A Ray of Hope

Posted by Admin | Tuesday, March 17, 2015 | | 0 comments »
All of us has some dark secrets, which we would never want to rip open in front of anyone. Not because they are bad or something forbidden, but because they have a sense of guilt and embarrassment attached to it. We wonder how people will react to it, thus creating several non-sensical situations in our head that are far from reality. We fear being judged, we fear condescending looks of criticism and we fear those smirky laughs. And hence, we spend years living a fearful life.

Let me come out the closet and confess something, I have failed my parents, I have failed my teachers, I have failed my friends and most importantly I have failed myself.

I faintly remember how it started. How everything slowly and calmly lead to destruction and fear. How my life changed upside down, how I was drowning in the ocean of loneliness and begged for a hand to lift me up. I remember how my quest for temporary happiness leads to almost permanent melancholic life.

It was around the time when I had gotten into the best college in Delhi for studying English Literature. Coming from a slightly unknown area of the country, I was finding it hard to settle and crave a place for myself. Life in Delhi started on a dull note, even though I was getting to do what I craved. I thought after a few days and maybe weeks almost I`d be fully settled in my new life, but life had other plans. It was only getting worse. I couldn`t be a part of the Delhi culture, it was getting hard for me to fit in. The much awaited college life was turning into a nightmare, dark and lonely.

And then, I did what I regret the most, I gave in.

It was getting tortuous not being able to fit in. And one night, I went to a pub with my flat mates, that`s where I lost it, my self-control and my sanity. Since everyone around me was trying drugs, I started too. But that`s wasn`t the end of it, in fact, it was the start of it.

Soon I couldn`t do without drugs anymore. I needed a dose every day. I started saving and when I ran out of money, I lied to my parents. I did everything that I wasn`t supposed to but why? Just to fit in? Guess what? I did fit in. But this is not I wanted now, I wanted only drugs.

Two years later my family discovered about my addiction. By then, I had lost everything I had, college, friends, career, family and myself. My parents, my only pillar of support, took me to a rehabilitation centre and got me treated.

I am not the same person anymore, I am an optimist now. I know how to stay up and fight for it and not give in to it. I thank God for bringing a day when my parents got to know about the changed me. A day that changed my life completely.

And whenever I look back, my mom says- “Let bygones be bygones.”
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